News Makeup
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read more#NoNeedToSatirize: Beck: ‘Forces of spiritual darkness’ at CNN plotted Blitzer’s atheist gaffe
Beck: ‘Forces of spiritual darkness’ at CNN plotted Blitzer’s atheist gaffe (via Raw Story ) Conservative radio host Glenn Beck says that “forces of spiritual darkness” at CNN arranged to have Wolf Blitzer ask a atheist tornado survivor if she thanked the Lord as a plot to promote atheism. At [...]
read moreNation Rushes to Party before Legal DUI Limit Lowered
LOS ANGELES — Gadflies, college students and champion buzzed drivers nationwide scrambled this month to get in some last-minute partying after the National Transportation Safety Board voted to recommend lowering the legal blood-alcohol content from .08 to .05. Stores reported runs on beer and boxed wine, and the number of [...]
read moreVA Republicans Nominate Cunning Linguists Cuccinelli and Jackson for Gov. and Lt. Gov.
RICHMOND, Va. – On Saturday, the Republican Party of Virginia nominated current State Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli and minister and attorney E. W. Jackson for Governor and Lt. Governor, respectively, at their annual convention, hoping the two men would get their knees dirty and clean the kitchen with their Democratic opponents. [...]
read moreUS Government, ASPCA Beg Americans to Adopt Adorable Debt Burdens
WASHINGTON – Amidst a new wave of controversy over the Federal Government’s ability to pay off its debts, the Treasury Department has issued a suspension of the debt ceiling, and has begun borrowing money to mend the gaps between government spending and revenues. However, the Treasury department insists that these actions [...]
The Manufactured Narrative
Politics
#NoNeedToSatirize: Bachmann: God will ‘answer our prayers’ and repeal Obamacare with a ‘miracle’
Bachmann: God will ‘answer our prayers’ and repeal Obamacare with a ‘miracle’ (via Raw Story ) Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) is telling her constituents that [...]
U.S.
Scouts Vote to Approve Bisexuals
GRAPEVINE, Tex. — In a surprise “compromise” move, the leaders of the Boy Scouts of America this week voted to change their policy and accept [...]
New York
NYPD to Violate Privacy of Anyone Willing to Defecate in Thin Plastic Booths
NEW YORK – The New York City Parks and Recreation Department confirmed that anyone wishing to make use of dark, ill-constructed boxes full of human waste [...]
Media
Hosts Worried Hiring Allen West May Damage Fox News’ Credibility
NEW YORK — Fox News hosts today openly lamented the network’s hiring of one-term Congressman and tea party favorite Allen West to be an on-air [...]
Sports
Mets Fans Boldly Form Attachment to Matt Harvey Despite Dreadful Certainty He’ll Be Traded
FLUSHING, N.Y. — Matt Harvey electrified fans on Tuesday night, allowing only one hit in a spectacular nine-inning performance that, somehow appropriately, earned him a [...]
World
‘Rob Ford’ Revealed to be Elaborate Test of Public’s Patience
TORONTO – Amid swirling rumors of a video showing him smoking crack, the York University Sociology Department confessed that the entire political career of Rob [...]